All Gone

All gone.

Those were the words of finality that were expressed today at the loss of my daughter’s new pregnancy.

All gone

This would have been her and her husband’s third child. This would have been Babyman and Dr. Evil’s new sibling. This would have been my sixth grandbaby.

It won’t be though, because … well I don’t know why.

Miscarriage has been one of the things I feared the most when it comes to my girls having children. I have not personally faced the loss of a hoped for pregnancy. I was not sure how or if I’d be able to help or even know what to say. Yet when the time came, we just talked, we cried, and we even laughed, because that is what we do.

The reality is that miscarriage is hard. There aren’t good words for it. Sure we talked about how several decades back you would not have even known you were pregnant yet. We talked about how they could try again as soon as she wanted. The trouble is that in the days leading up to the loss, we had talked about how the boys would handle it and what the sex would be and possible names. We got attached…just that quick.

There are also the feelings. Joy, excitement, wonder, love, and anticipation, now followed by sadness, disappointment, questioning, despair, and helplessness. And those are just my feelings. My daughter’s feelings trump mine completely. She is handling the whole thing amazingly. For her, a little dark humor goes a long way, and today she allowed herself to really feel the feelings, ultimately breaking down and crying it out. After I got the picture, I did the same.

I am truly sorry for anyone who has suffered miscarriage, as well as for the loss of a child at any stage. As mothers these losses feel as if a piece of the soul is ripped away forever.

I’ll tell you a secret; as a believer in a good good Father and Heaven, in addition to being a believer that life begins at conception, I suspect Heaven to be a place in which these children eagerly await the arrival of their parents. (I will not get into a philosophical or religious conversation about who does or does not get to go to heaven. This post is not about that.) I believe God feels every bit of grief a mother (and father and other family members) feels at the loss of a child. He lost one, and knows firsthand how it felt. Honestly he feels it every time someone chooses to not accept his love, but that is also another post altogether.

If you’ve suffered loss, you aren’t alone. There are those who will grieve with you. Today when I told my daughter I broke down and cried, her response was “I am so glad I have you to grieve with me.”.

I  melted.

In that moment I knew I had done the best I could to help her go through this thing, this horrible, horrible thing. I will keep doing the best I can and she (and I, and her husband and the boys) will get through.

 

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The Lost Package of Maturity

Have you ever had a package get lost?

I have.

Today. My package was not on my front porch, even though UPS and Amazon said it was. I got frustrated and I felt a little crazy. I looked everywhere they’ve ever left a package. Nothing.

I called 1-800-PICK-UPS. I had to talk to a faux sympathetic automatic operator. I found myself using a tone with “her”. I suddenly thought “calm down, it’s not the end of the world, and you don’t have to be rude when a representative comes on the line.”

I took a deep breath and changed my attitude. The woman I talked to was very helpful. Cath, I believe was her name. Within a relatively short time, about 30 minutes, she’d contacted my local UPS, they contacted me and the driver, and now he was going to call me.

He didn’t.

No, instead he went and got my package from where ever he accidentally delivered it and brought it to me. He’d read the number wrong. He apologized. I got my package.

The whole process too about half an hour. I could have gotten more upset. I could have stomped around, left bad reviews everywhere, and posted all about it on social media.

Instead I acted like a grown up.

I made a choice to handle my business before losing my cool. That’s what maturity does. It’s not because I’m 47 that I can do this. Anyone can exercise self control over their emotions and attitudes. Trust me, I have plenty of emotions right now. I’m peri-menopausal along with some other personal issues that keep me on edge.

I chose to not act impetuous, hostile, or immature. I chose to remain calm, polite, and mature. You can too.

Perhaps you’re asking, “why would anyone get upset over a silly package?”. Well have you been online lately? People everywhere seem to be upset about everything, from the simplest to the greatest of reasons. It’s hard to tell what’s truly important because of all the yelling, complaining, and name-calling. And quite honestly if you spend money on an item, and it doesn’t get delivered, well that’s just wrong.

If you have a bad experience and things simply get handled badly, then by all means leave a bad review… in the proper place.

First though, consider whether or not you handled things badly to start with. Did you handle things at all, or did you jump the gun and rush to the internet to complain about something that was fixable? Too often we react instead of act. Anger and frustration have become our default settings in today’s world; therefore, anytime a thing happens we fly off the handle in a rage, or fall into a pit of despair.

These things ought not be.

So next time someone loses your package, ask yourself ” is getting upset over this worth my sanity, peace, or maturity?”. My guess is that if you’re honest the answer will be “no”.

Grainy

Cornbread.

Cabin walls.

Pretentious personalities.

Sand in my swimsuit.

Low light photography.

My middle aged memories.

Today’s daily prompt.

GRAINY

I’m sorry this sounds like the random answers to some family night board game category, but it’s all I’ve got tonight. I take that back, I’m not really sorry; I like game night!

 

Photo credit: https://stocksnap.io/photo/1PXZR3FSA2

 

Rainbow Platitudes

Not every storm produces a rainbow. Not every rain shower yeilds flowers. 

Sometimes it just rains. 

Storms come. Floods happen. Rain falls. That’s life. 

Too often we settle for platitudes when we should acknowledge and accept that crap happened. We can learn and grow, or we can keep passing off Pinterest quotes and out of context Bible verses as actual help; ultimately going nowhere. 

I get it, really I do, sometimes you just want to hear happy, fluttery fluff. The reality is you need to hear the truth in order to move forward. 

The truth is a rainbow is a natural phenomenon that can be reproduced with a little water, light and the right angle. Flowers grow because of the natural cycle of spring warmth, sunshine and rain. 

God absolutely can and will use his creation to speak to you, but he’ll also tell you to get up, dry, yourself off, and keep going, simply by sending people like me to remind you of the truth…

Sometimes it just rains. 

Jury Duty

Here I am once again, jury duty. This is the 3rd time in 4 years that I’ve been called. In the 20+ years I’ve lived in this county, I’ve been called 4 times total. Other people I know in this same county have never been called even though they may have lived here even longer. Everyone over 18, with a driver’s license, here is registered, and yet I get picked regularly at random.

If I played the lottery and my odds were this good I’d eventually win big! 

Perhaps when this is over I’ll buy a couple of lottery tickets. Who knows? 

Now off to do my civic duty.

Is Rey As Boring As Me?

Reason #31 I am boring…

Halloween 2016 Rey

Feast your eyes on this masterpiece. I dressed up as Rey from Star Wars: The Force Awakens for Halloween last year. I fabricated most of what you see in the picture. I will say I was pretty proud of myself when it all came together! As I walked around my neighborhood with my grandbabies trick-or-treating, every kid who saw me yelled “Rey” or “May the force be with you”. It was super satisfying to have done a good enough job to be recognizable.

In my home we spent a lot of years not celebrating Halloween, but that’s a story for another time. I have come to a place where celebrating and dressing up is simply done in fun and is not hurting anyone; therefore, I have fully embraced it. This is the second year I went full tilt with a costume, and it earned me a 2nd win at our Halloween party for best costume.

Pretty boring huh?!

We plan to have a party again this year and I am already trying to decide on a costume. Perhaps I can be a little less boring this next October. 😉

 

Three Little Birds … In My Garage

Do you believe in signs? Do you believe God talks to us, sending little or maybe not so little messages?

I do.

I do because it has happened a lot in my lifetime.

Tonight I came home, opened my garage door, and pulled my van in just like normal. Tonight though, there was a bird flying around in the garage, bumping into the walls because the noise of the garage door and my engine were probably a tiny bit overwhelming. As I parked, I realized there was also a second bird, and by the time I got out, there was in fact a third bird which flew just inside the door of the van onto the floor.

Three little birds… in my garage.

I swooshed the one out of the van, and then spent the next 15 or 20 minutes trying to get all of them outside, gently with a broom, because I did not want them to be trapped. Once they were all safely outside, I closed the garage door and went into the house. I walked to the kitchen sink to wash my hands, and wondered what in the world were three little birds doing in my garage? That’s when the obvious hit me… three little birds!

They were there to tell me not to worry ’cause every little thing is gonna be alright.

I could not help but to chuckle at the somewhat absurdity of the whole thing. What a wonderful and comical God that cares so much to send three little birds to my garage with a message, and in a moment I really needed to be reminded that things are going to be alright.

Tonight I am sharing this with you, I’m sharing those three little birds, so you too will know not to worry ’cause every little thing is gonna be alright for you too!

 

Three Little Birds – by Bob Marley – 1977

Rise up this mornin’
Smiled with the risin’ sun
Three little birds
Pitch by my doorstep
Singin’ sweet songs
Of melodies pure and true
Saying’, (this is my message to you)
Singing’ don’t worry ’bout a thing
‘Cause every little thing gonna be alright
Singing’ don’t worry (don’t worry) ’bout a thing
‘Cause every little thing gonna be alright

Grand Grit

Daily Post Word Prompt: Grit

I’ve lived in my house for 12 years. It was newly constructed with a freshly landscaped yard. My daughters were teenagers when we moved in. We had a dog and two cats.

My children have since married and moved out. There is only one dog left. The yard is well established.

My house has more grit now though than ever before. Grit on the floor. Grit on the sofas. Ugh, it’s infuriating. You know what causes all this ridiculousness?

Grandchildren.

I love them dearly, but they are the grittiest little people on the planet. 2 of them I keep 3 or 4 days a week. The other 2 visit every month or so. And they all leave grit on everything. Grit, grit, and more grit.

In the story of Hansel and Gretel the children left bread crumbs on purpose to find their way home, but that’s just nonsense. They would have left gritty crumbs without even trying!

The best and worst part about all of this is number 5 is going to bring his gritty little self up in here in a couple of months, and if I was a betting woman, I’d say number 6 won’t be far behind.

Congratulations Nonie, you’re the proud grandmother of all these gritty grandbabies! 

But oh what Grand Grit it is!!!

I love you Babyman, Princess Crazy Pants, Prom King, Dr. Evil and Number 5. Even if you’re gritty, you are all my favorites!

Lazy – Reason #1- to Being Boring

DSC03822

I found this sign in St. Thomas at Senor Frogs. It is one of my favorite finds from my cruise last February. I think the grammar is weird, but I am willing to forgive that because of the humor and truth this sign exudes.

What is lazy? Oxford says it is an unwillingness to work or use energy. I tend to consider myself lazy, which is another one of the reasons I am boring. Maybe it’s because I have interpreted things others have said about me to mean such, or maybe it is just because I am.

I don’t know.

Where is the line? Who decides?

The house is clean. The dishes get done. Eventually the clothes get folded.

My laziness seems to pop up when it comes to extra stuff… this blog, random projects, going to the gym, etc.. I just don’t have the motivation, when I am home, to do anything other than the necessary.

I can go on vacation, and I want to do all the things. I will walk all over the place, shop ’till I drop, swim, work out, and play from sun-up to well past sun-down. But once I am back at home, forget it. I am right back to being lazy old me.

I know , I can just hear you now, “Make a to-do list. Prioritize your schedule. Take Vitamin D. Just get up off your butt.” There are probably a million other pieces of advice, and hey, go ahead, give it your best shot. I’m pretty sure I have tried it all.

The reality is, I will do the stuff when I am ready to or when it becomes necessary. That is just me. So I guess Oxford is right, lazy is about unwillingness. I do not possess the will until I have to, and that is just going to have to be okay for now.

Thanks for helping me work that out.

Now I can go think of some more things that make me boring…or maybe I’ll just do that later.