When I was in the 6th grade, there was a girl in my class who already had boobs. Not just any boobs…D Cups. Seriously. We were 11. That was back in 1981 before everyone went through puberty early. I, on the other hand, did not have boobs yet. None, nothing, nada. Well maybe I was budding, but let’s be honest, that just draws unwanted attention to the lack of actual boobies.

So there were a couple of boys (one in particular) in my class who thought is would be funny to make up cute names for the lack of said boobies. The ones that stand out in my memory are “Great American Flat Plains” and “Flats Domino”. Yeah, creative, especially for 11 year olds. Most of time I heard the names, I just giggled it off. Don’t get offended for me, this is not about offense.

It’s so funny while I am typing this, I suddenly remember I got detention that year. You know what I did? I walked up behind that particular boy, and as he was going to sit in his chair, I yanked it out from underneath him. He fell right on he booty. Haha!!! Even now it’s still funny. The whole class thought it was funny too. The teacher, she did not think so. She lectured me on how I could have seriously injured him, blah blah. I realize that is the day he quit calling me names. We were equal. We were … friends?. Yeah we were friends.

Boys are weird.

The boobs eventually came in to rest at a small B cup. I spent my teen years believing that small was not ideal. I didn’t think about the fact that small never kept boys away. It also never kept boys from checking them out. There is a saying, “When a man has seen one set of boobs, he wants to see them all.”. While some have preferences in size, the reality is they love boobies and are fascinated and maybe a little intimidated by them. (yeah, yeah I know some women love boobies too! It’s just that I’m straight and this is my blog, but I wouldn’t be talking about them if I did not think they were pretty fascinating too.)

When my post baby boobs came in, I freaked. They were enormous, and always in the way. My clothes fit funny, and when I looked in a mirror I was disturbed by how weird I looked! Haha. I, for the first time really liked and missed my tiny barely B cup boobies!

At over 40, with a little weight and perimenopause creeping around, they are NOT a B cup anymore. They grew. A lot. They are mine though, and I love myself, so I love my boobs too.

Flats Domino has left the building.

Bye bye, Great American Flat Plains, Hello Grand Teton Mountains.

BWHAHAHAHA. Oh 6th grade Barry, if you saw me now, you’d choke on your nicknames!

#whosflatnow