This quote is kicking my butt. There is so much truth to it, but it is still so difficult to write the words. There are stories to tell, yes, but what will they cost? I’ve already paid a huge price by just living inside of them, and while I cannot lose some of the same things and people again, I can lose other things. I have been hurt, rejected, and lied to and about, so why does it matter if it happens more? It matters for the same reason that torture is what usually breaks a soldier in times of war. If one continues to be battered in the same way over and over they tend to eventually give up!
I want to be fearless. I am not. The very idea of typing out the whole truth and hitting that publish button makes my stomach churn. I still have so much emotion wrapped up in the last 45 years. I should, it’s my life, my stories. Like I said in my previous post Scars, just because you deal with something and forgiveness is forged that does not change the fact that stuff happened.
I’m going to try – no scratch that, Yoda says “Do or do not. There is no try”. I’m going to start writing, and I am going to keep writing until there is nothing left to say. Like the quote above says if people wanted you to write warmly about them, they would have behaved better.
My story may not sound so bad to some and to others it will feel gut-wrenching. Either way it is my story and it belongs to me, warts and all. The pain is mine. The joy is mine. These are my words and my emotions. If you care to read them, then feel free to stay. If you came by to be a judgmental, name-calling, jerk, then consider yourself uninvited and blocked. Have a nice day.
Are you afraid to tell your story or am I the only one who wants to throw up just thinking about it?