Writing Challenge Day 11 – Something you always think “What if…” about.
I am going to give you a peak inside my twisted little mind and a short visit to The Land of What If…
I’m not going to tell you about how my “what if…” thoughts often include very unhealthy lines of thinking like: “What if so and so says or does such and such?” “What if I never married and just raised my first daughter on my own?” “What if I was rich?” “What if I just punch so and so in the throat?” “What if no one ever reads my blog?” “What if people disagree or say mean things to me?” And so on, but that’s not the “what if” stuff I want to share.
I am going to tell you how my twisted little mind likes to delve into thoughts like: “What if the way I see red is different than the way you see red? like what if my red is blue to you?” “What if someone had named a pen a pencil and a pencil a pen or a cat a dog and a dog a cow?” “What if my sweet is your salty?” “What if I forgot to wear clothes when I left the house?” “What if ‘yo mamma’ really was so fat that when she jumped into the air, she got stuck?” “What if animals see ghosts?” “What if trees have feelings?” “What if my apple taste is your orange taste?” See I could spend hours thinking about why things are the way they are, and what if they were different, or what if my experience of something is different than your experience. So. Many. Questions.
The way I see it is, it’s kind of silly to think about a “what if..” that you cannot change, other than for just thinking outside of the box, and maybe sometimes that is not so silly. And it is a true waste of time to think about a “what if…” you can change, if you are not going to change it. And it is simply a practice of planning, if you think about a “what if…” in a way that you actually intend to act upon.
There you have it, a peak inside my twisted little mind, and oh how tiny a peak it is. For me the land of “what if…” is place I am not terribly comfortable visiting anymore, it can get away from me very quickly, and that is not profitable for me or any of the people I have to have contact with in life.
How about you? Is your experience different? Is your “what if…” healthier, weirder, or maybe more entertaining than mine? Feel free to give us a look into how you entertain your “what if…” kind of thinking.
2 thoughts on “My Twisted Little Mind and The Land of What If…”
Depends on which chapter of my life we’re talking about. The earlier chapters the “what if’s” were probably borne of desperation, so I envisioned a pretend world I could inhabit, which in a practical way made me able to bear my present circumstances, so the “what if’s” were probably a healthy survival tool.
For many years, the “what if’s” became all about the things that were rooted in fear. Whether as a parent, a spouse, or later, a single parent, it seemed as if all the “what if’s” were about my fear of failure. Those “what if’s” were unhealthy, and only served to fan the flames of failure. They kept me locked in a loop of “never good enough”. It was a prison wall that I drew around myself, pressing down hard on the pencil, making the line darker and darker and heavier each and every time I allowed the “what if’s” to box me in.
There were the years the “what if’s” were about escape. Intermingled with the idea that death was my only escape. Those “what if’s” had the ability to be fatal, but they also, in some ways, offered some sort of psychological respite from the pain. Those “what if’s” were probably the most dangerous game I ever allowed my brain to entertain.
Then there are the “what if’s” that are all about fantasy and wishes. What if I won lots of money? Who could I help? What if my dog really could speak to me? What if I could learn how to speak dog, and we could converse back and forth as easily as two people on the same wavelength. What if I could be a seed planted in the ground, and could grow to become a beautiful lily, or a dandelion? What if I could float up into the sky and spend my days and nights observing the world from afar? Those “what it’s” are the equivalent of mental vacations, and I consider them very healthy in a world where we are bombarded by too much information. So much sadness and despair, and sometimes having the ability to “what if” ourselves into a softer place is a gift worth bountiful riches.
And the “what if’s” that require action. What if I smile at the next person that annoys me? What if I spend an entire day commenting on other blogs, instead of writing on my own? What if I give away something that I hold very dear, just to be able to experience letting go? Those “what if’s” I consider as opportunities for growth. They require some sort of action, as opposed to just thought.
Your what if lists ended up echoing some of mine. But I think one for the first things that popped into my head after reading your post, is how our answers shift from day to day. Depending on where we are in our lives at any given moment. What if on one day might be fun and frivolous, whereas on another day, it might be dangerous or deadly. So what if can be whatever we choose it to be.
Today, I think I’ll choose the frivolous version. What if every blog post we comment on is actually our way of connecting to the world in a way that is not only safe, but also sometimes entertaining? What if we all could learn something about being more kind to one another? What if the people we meet today are really the people we’ve known all our lives, and we just forgot to recognize one another? What if it was possible to speak to one another without ever having to use any words?
Thanks for sharing this blog post. Always love a post that gives us something to think about. Especially when we get to choose the direction, or ask the questions. Gives us some common ground to have a conversation, even if our what if’s are completely different. The same, but different. 🙂
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Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. You are so right about the what if changing from day to day. I’m always amazed at how my posts come out because I know that if I had written it the day before or a week later it would have been totally different. I’m so excited to hear that my post made you think. There are few other results that could please me more!